Power vs. Influence and Protecting the Relationship in Leadership

Photo courtesy of thinkplanlaunch.com

I've been away from the blog for a month, but have so much to write! Visits with coaches, videos watched, and of course the amazing PGC Clinic in Chicago over the weekend. Lots of stuff to be shared on here. This blog is about a theme that's been popping up a lot lately in my teaching and coaching - using power vs influence to lead people.

Early in my career I was all about the power. I yelled, I screamed, I was rigid in my rules - and I had plenty of rules. To me discipline was about imposing my will on my players and students. You didn't do it my way - there was a swift and harsh punishment. I also didn't have time, or see the need, to explain the why in what we were doing. I had discipline and I said we were doing it - isn't that enough?!

But as I used the power, I always found a few things. First, I found it to be a law of diminishing returns. Eventually players and students would tune out. And when I had to lay down repeated, harsh punishments they would end up fighting back harder and harder. Also, and worse, I always had an empty feeling after these interactions of "discipline". No one had grown as a person, all we'd accomplished was a wrecked relationship and usually a begrudging conformity. I wanted to inspire leaders to do the right thing and I wasn't accomplishing that.

Over the last few years I've adopted a more transformational model of discipline. I've built deep and authentic relationships with students and athletes then used that relationship to help them understand what the right things to do are. In the video below, among a lot of great coaching nuggets, the Spurs Ettore Messina talks about discipline and says that there are two kinds. One is through power and fear, the other one is by getting people to put discipline on themselves. The second kind of discipline is where the real magic is in leadership. Great leaders have the ability to motivate people to have discipline because they want to. 

The idea of leading by influence also popped up several times during the PGC Clinic in Chicago over the weekend. First, I attended a lecture by Coach Rob Brost (@brookhoops) where he talked about protecting culture. He had this profound thought: everything begins with rapport. Rapport leads to relationships. Relationships lead to culture and discipline. I don't think you can have rules without relationships, but I like that this went even deeper. You want accountability and culture? You have to start with rapport and relationships. Great leaders understand rapport and relationships come before discipline and culture. 

Another way being an influential leader popped up when I was listing to Coach TJ Rosene (@CoachTJRosene) speak on non-negotiables for a successful season. He talked a lot about how his culture comes from a place of love. He's a coach who's high on accountability but gets the buy in for his accountability first. He talked about "The Everybody's" exercise where he has players list traits of great teammates and then helps them to see that everyone can do this. The way he does it creates the buy in because the players are coming up with the expectations that they need to be held accountable to. Great leaders create buy in by involving the players in the process. 

With that said, does it mean that influential leaders are "soft" don't have consequences? Of course not. We work with people, they are going to fail to meet our expectations. But transformational leaders, and leaders who use influence, don't just punish. Instead, influential leaders counsel their players as they discipline. They take the time to explain why the expectation is important, and how the player can do better next time. Lastly, when transformational coaches have to hand out consequences, they don't enjoy doing it. And after the consequences have been administered, they make sure to build the rapport and relationships back up asap. As a teacher and coach I am always going out of my way to do this and it pays big dividends. It doesn't mean I apologize, or back track. I simply let them know it's not personal, it's business, and it's being done for the good of the player and/or the good of our program. Great leaders protect the relationship between themselves and the players after the discipline has been handed out.  

On a personal note I'm really thankful I switched a few years ago to being more of a transformational or influential leader. It's really helped me be far more effective in leading of young people. I also truly believe that I'm building people up instead of tearing them apart now, and I am thankful for that!